Welcome to the latest instalment of 'How We Host,' our column devoted to all-things entertaining from those who know a thing or two about having a good time. Next to dissect the fine art of entertaining is Justine Palefsky, one half of the members- only home swapping platform, Kindred
The thought of swapping a luxurious Los Angeles mansion for a quaint thatched-roof English cottage seems like, well, something straight out of a movie. Justine Palefsky is turning that fantasy into a reality as the co-founder of Kindred, a San Francisco-based home-swapping platform that's not only allowing travelers to experience gorgeously-designed homes, but also connect with like-minded people seeking a more generous, more connected life.
Here's how it works: members host others from within the Kindred community, which results in credits they can use to stay at other homes later on. Kindred's network includes houses all over the world, from New York to the Cayman Islands; from Costa Rica to Estonia, you can even stay at designer Gustaf Westman’s Stockholm apartment. Each home is thoughtfully designed and incredibly personal.
‘My co-founder [Tasneem Amina] and I started Kindred in 2021, really as an experiment in seeing if we could build the kind of world that we want to live in,’ explains Palefsky.
Palefsky certainly knows the art of being a welcoming host — and guest. And Kindred's unique brand of hospitality appears to be working: ‘Every month we have dozens of members hosting meetups all over the globe. Many of them are dinner parties, actually,' she says.
Below, Palefsky shows us how it's done.
How We Host with Justine Palefsky
W*: Are you a relaxed host and pull it all together at the last minute, or is there careful planning?
Justine Palefsky: I am definitely more of a relaxed host. I love impromptu gatherings, and group dinners and I love having the kind of home where friends and family just drop in unannounced. It makes a really big difference in my enjoyment of my own life, to feel more connected to my extended community and have people drop over. My friends are right next door, and sometimes 15 minutes before dinner I will go over and knock on their door and say, 'Do you guys want to come over?' I think it is so nice to not have such careful planning, to host people and open the door to these spontaneous gatherings, which are more about connecting than performing.
W*: Can you cook?
JP: I'm not a good cook, my fiancé is more of the chef in our household. I really hate cooking. We purposely live walking distance to a great grocery store, and I will often pick up some pre-made food or get takeout when we're hosting. I remember feeling a bit bashful of that in the beginning and I've decided to just own it.
Removing the stress from the act of hosting others again makes you want to do it more. It makes it possible to host people at your home two, three or more nights in a week because it's okay to pull it together at the last minute . If you give yourself that permission, you can squeeze in more of these warm nights around a shared table into your week.
W*: What was the first dish you perfected to feed a group of friends or family?
JP: I think maybe the answer here that's more interesting is with an example of a different way I host. I like to host around a TV show that my friends are regularly watching together (currently it is Night of the Seven Kingdoms). Every Sunday when people come over, my speciality is making a really big pot of fresh popcorn and having a seasoning bar. Guests can get their own bowl and make their own popcorn to their heart's content — salt, butter, nutritional yeast, Tajin, even hot sauces, It's a fun activity as we're getting settled in to watch our show.
W*: Drinks on arrival – what’s on offer?
JP: I think my go-to is really just having a lot of sparkling water, or non-alcoholic options available. We always have wine, beer and mezcal on hand
W*: Go on and tempt us – what’s your go-to menu, from starters to afters, whether homemade or bought in?
JP: I can't cook but I can arrange food pretty well. To start I'll make some boards, you know, crudité, olives, maybe some yummy kind of cheese and crackers. My parents live about an hour north of San Francisco, in the wine country, and they have four or five olive trees, it's not enough to to do much with it, but it's lovely to be able to lay out and say, 'Hey, these are olives that my parents grew.'
Another funny thing that I often have is a work-in-progress puzzle that's out on the coffee table. It can be a nice mindless activity for when the first few people are arriving, especially if they don't know each other yet. You don't have to think too hard, and you can maintain a conversation as you're sort of passing each other pieces back and forth.
In hosting, the person you have to design for is the introvert, someone more shy. There are people who just feel comfortable making conversation with anybody and they'll be fine. You have to think of the people who are a bit more introverted or maybe they're coming to a dinner without knowing anybody else. For me, it's really how that person feels, and by the end of the night they're leaving feeling relaxed having a whole host of new friends.
For dinner we'll often order something ahead of time. My go-to is this restaurant called Sol Food. It's amazing Puerto Rican cuisine that's local to the Bay Area. They have big platters of chicken and rice dishes, thinly cut steak and the most amazing hot sauce you will ever eat. For dessert we actually live a block down from an ice cream place. It's a lovely post dinner stroll.
W*: What’s on your dinner party playlist?
JP: I love calm '70s classics, like James Taylor, Fleetwood Mac, Cat Stevens, Van Morrison, the Grateful Dead. I think it sets a very nice vibe. Just over the bridge in Sausalito is the recording studio where Fleetwood Mac recorded the Rumours album. It’s kept entirely the same architecturally, exactly how it was when they were in there for over a year recording. I went there over the weekend and thought, 'Oh wow, we need to host a party here.'
W*: Who’s your dream dinner party guest?
JP: Even though my music taste kind of lives in the '70s, I have to say my dream dinner party guest would be Taylor Swift. Her music has been the soundtrack to so many different eras in my life and I feel like I've grown up with her as she's just emerged as this really formidable businesswoman, in addition to the superstar and the lyricist that we've known her to be. I would love to hear and learn more about what that journey's been like for her. As a woman entrepreneur myself, I'm so excited to put myself, and this business that I helped dream up, out there into the world, but, man, does it feel vulnerable.
W*: Dish the dirt: what should a host never do?
JP: A host should never forget someone's name. It's okay for a guest to not know everybody's name, that's not their job, but for the host, I think you should try really hard to remember each person, and that way you can involve them in conversation.
What should a guest never do?
JP: A guest should never feed the house dogs from the table. I have two dogs so they're at our dinner parties as well. They couldn't be more different. Ava is a little old lady and Javier is a very athletic energetic border collie-Australian shepherd mix. We take care to try and train them, make sure that they're well behaved, and it sets us back when someone from the table tosses them some chicken. Even though I know your intentions are good, please don't feed the dog any human food from the table.
What’s the secret to a successful evening?
JP: I think the secret is really remembering that hosting is about connecting, not performing. People won't remember what everything looked like as much as they will remember how you made them feel when they were in your home. Just keeping that in mind when you're running around trying to get ready and thinking about, 'I need to go wash this dish' and instead taking a step back and remembering that that's not what's at the heart of this beautiful human ritual that you are doing, which is hosting people warmly in your home.
Remember: even if your silverware doesn't match, you can still be an incredible host as long as you make it about the guests and not about the tablescape.